Facebook and Facing Fears

Contrary to what some may think, mature adults can be computer literate too!  I like to pride myself on my willingness to not only learning new technology but embracing it.  I’ve been using computers since the 1980s when they were ugly boxes without any sex appeal.  Now they are slick, stylish, mobile and so much more than we could have imagined when the “weird kids” were taking computer science in high school.  I took my first computer class on a classic Mac at the YWCA in 1988.  It was an exercise in frustration but I didn’t let that deter me because it was obvious computers were going to become an integral part of the workplace.  Since then, at one time or another, either on my own or the suggestion (and financial support) of an employer, I’ve taken courses in Lotus, WordPerfect, Dialog, Lexis-Nexis, Access, PowerPoint, Excel and even the internet.  So as I began to read and hear about social networking, I felt obligated to get on board.  At first I didn’t see the point as it seemed to be a lot of self indulgent jabbering.  It was about even less than nothing than Seinfeld.  In time however, I became more engaged as I discovered a quick and easy way to communicate about everything from politics to the banal.  As I got acclimated to networking, I slowly dipped my toe into opening up doors that had long since been closed.  I tried to find my former college roommate and while that was unsuccessful, I did connect with many former classmates from as far back as junior high.  I have to admit that every time I reached out and received a friendly response it was exhilarating.  Not only was it the chance to communicate with people who “knew me when,” but old petty issues were finally put to rest.  One of the best conversations took place with a girl I “couldn’t stand” back in the day.  She was now a mother and quite accomplished and it felt like a period had been added to our story.  We were no longer self involved tweens but mature women who had lived and evolved to the point where we discussed meeting up when schedules allowed.

Sitting home alone on a Saturday night, I decided to join my alumni association’s page on Facebook.  By the time I logged on Sunday morning there was a message from my best friend from high school.  I hadn’t seen her in 30 years and last communicated after our 20^th reunion, which neither of us attended.  Even though we had been close friends, she had changed a great deal.  She was divorced with a child, had relocated and earned her MBA.  Sorry to say my road in life hadn’t been as eventful, but I was happy to hear from her.   Even though she had given me her new number, there are timed when I am more comfortable hiding behind my monitor, so we continued exchanging messages.  One day I logged in to see she had left a message and turns out it was an invitation to an event.  I clicked on it and anxiety engulfed me.  She was coming up to NY and invited me to her 50^th birthday party.  Not that number again.  Just as I put it on the back burner of my mind here it was front and center.  But after catching my breath something struck me as odd.  Instead of googling therapists, she was celebrating her half century mark.  She wanted her friends to join her.  It didn’t seem to be an albatross for her but it was for me.  Why?  I started to think about it.  Her life was better but it wasn’t perfect.  I started to line up her life events against mine.  She had married and I hadn’t, but she was divorced.  If you never marry you never have to endure a divorce.  She had a child while I didn’t even have a dog.  Yeah but I was never maternal so I spared some poor unsuspecting child the horror of me as mom.  She had earned a graduate degree and I only dream of one.  May well be another unfulfilled dream.  She moved to Florida and I was still back in NY.  This one is a toss up.  She moved due to the job and misses NY and I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else.  So all in all, I decided she may well have a reason to celebrate.  Even though things may not have always turned out the way she hoped, on balance she had a good life. I hadn’t had an awful life but there was so much on the table that I had never gotten around to and probably will never get to, so my life feels unfulfilled and maybe that’s why 50 hit like a ton of bricks.  In the end it’s probably not how old you are but how you spent those years.  If you feel that you squandered opportunities and didn’t make the most of what you had, then you will feel sad and hobbled by the woulda coulda shouldas.

Now that I figured that out, can I find a decent date in time for the party?  Stay tuned!!!