Hot Child in the City…..Or Not!

I admit that I’ve never really been someone enamored of the dog days of summer.  I don’t enjoy the beach or swimming and am not a sun worshiper.  Instead I always associated summer with vacation from school in that lazy, hazy, crazy way.  More importantly as I became a young adult I looked forward to the “summer romance.”  It seemed nothing was better than meeting some guy and spending time on long walks, or dining alfresco and reveling in each others youth & beauty.  Now that I am 50 it’s all become a sad, painful, faint memory.  Summer has become the bane of my existence.  To be honest there was some pressure knowing that I wouldn’t be able to eat and hide behind layers of clothing, but now that I’m older the idea of shedding those layers has me petrified.  When I look into the mirror I see all those things that I hate about getting older.  The skin and hair have lost some of their luster and the body…oh the body.  Menopause has wrecked havoc. 

It’s so funny when you’re younger you can find all sorts of stupid flaws that in retrospect weren’t really flaws at all.  I used to complain about needing to lose weight.  The only time I had gained weight was my freshman year of college and that’s what late runs to Micky D’s will get ya!  However I discovered bulimia and lost the weight.  Eventually after some therapy I lost the bulimia too. Fortunately the weight didn’t return and I was blessed with a great metabolism which allowed me to cram all sorts of unhealthy things into my mouth, while maintaining a teeny waistline which I was happy to show off every chance I got.  Now I look at a cookie and my dress size goes up.  It’s so depressing!

Maybe even worse is that I am bombarded with all these images of young nubile women scampering around the city in barely there outfits, reminding me of what I used to be and probably will never be again.  Oh the cruel passage of time.  No minis, shorts, belly baring or tank tops with my bounties overflowing.  The thing that keeps freaking me out is that while I cut back to more age appropriate garb a few years ago, I still managed to wear “hot” outfits that looked good.  The other day I tried to put on a pair of pants that fit perfectly three years ago.  I was able to get in them once I inhaled and sucked in my stomach.  Talk about waiting to exhale!

So again I try to navigate through this new unknown world and in the meantime one can only hope for sweater weather.

Should I Stay or Should Go?

I am a New Yorker by both birth and choice.  When I was a kid growing up NY happened to be the place I lived.  I had no say it’s just where my family was living.  In college it was the home I was trying to return to a la Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz.  Since returning it’s become the place I have yet to conquer but still want to be buried in Central Park.  It’s not an easy place but it’s also never boring.   People come from every corner of this and other countries to make their dreams come true.   Sometimes when you’re already here, you’re not quite as ambitious and take everything for granted.

The situation is that I am over 50, single, childless.  It might be politically correct to say I’d been too career oriented to have a “real” life.  Unfortunately that’s not true.  I just wasn’t paying attention and as John Lennon said, “life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”  I was more focused on my latest loser boyfriend than forging a strong career path.  I spent my 20s and 30s attempting to change grown men into what I wanted them to be and before I knew it my youth was gone and so were the men.  I worked in various fields but never made the “splash” I imagined as a teenager.  I was competent but never reached that zenith, the top job and all the perks that would come with it.  Then the tsunami known as the Great Recession hit.  In the blink of an eye I was over 50, unemployed and alone.  Now what?

I still didn’t have a game plan and assumed things would continue as they had for almost 30 years.  I’d do mass resume emailing and eventually find something even if it wasn’t my heart’s desire.  Not so fast!  This recession was really deep and jobs had vanished like a puddle on a hot summer day.  What’s worse is that I fell into that much maligned group of “older” workers.  Contrary to other times, I did feel old, washed up and obsolete.  Technology had taken hold and everyone wanted some youngster who was well versed in the new language of social networking.  In addition to graduating with a MBA from Harvard, you needed to know all Microsoft office products, how to create and maintain a website using html PLUS the knowledge to upload videos to YouTube, photos to Flickr, create company pages on Facebook and interact with customers on Twitter.  Oh come on…enough already!!!!

So after exhausting my unemployment benefits not to mention my patience and sanity, I needed a new plan of action because the old one was definitely NOT working.  In the last week or so I made a decision to look at jobs outside of New York City.  Pack up and move, inconceivable but it may be necessary.  Now I’m sure some rational adult person might say, “What’s the problem since you’re not married, don’t have kids, not even a cat!”  That’s all true but what I do have is the only long term relationship in my life and that’s my love affair with New York. 

This really hit critical mass when I saw a great posting for a job in California.  I haven’t been intrigued by California since the Mamas & Papas were dreaming, but the position was so juicy I couldn’t just dismiss it.  So last night as I watched Anne Baxter backstabbing Bette Davis in All About Eve, I swallowed hard and submitted a resume.  As I found out this last year, submitting a resume is no guarantee of an interview or acknowledgment that you sent a resume.  Yet as scary as it is to envision myself in a completely new and foreign environment far from everything I’ve ever known, is the slight titillation that I would get the chance to reinvent myself, albeit late in life, and do something new & interesting and possibly find that guy.  If not the guy maybe a great cat!Custom Search